Jim CarreyI don’t want to be a vampire. So for as long as you have the strength to, say ‘yes.’ Stephen ColbertNot living in fear is a great gift, because certainly these days we do it so much. Inside of a dog it’s too dark to read.

ThibautThere cannot be a crisis next week. Chelsea HandlerMy nickname is ‘Mom’, but my full name is ‘Mom Mom Mom Mom Mom Mom’.Toddler: Emotionally unstable pint-sized dictator with the uncanny ability to know exactly how far to push you towards utter insanity before reverting to a loveable creature.I never know what to say when people ask me what my hobbies are. It wakes up the brain cells. Myspace: Where did everybody go? So each is inevitably disappointed. Bill MurrayI’m writing a book. Quote that, and watch it going viral in the online world.Life is an eternal journey to know oneself. Will FerrellWhenever someone calls me ugly I get super sad and hug them, because I know how tough life is for the visually impaired. Now I drink in front of a mirror. Lily TomlinDon’t be so humble – you are not that great.

Alfred HitchcockDo not take life too seriously. But saying ‘yes’ begins things.

Ellen DeGeneresI work really hard at trying to see the big picture and not getting stuck in ego.

Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men – the other 999 follow women.

Tina FeyBefore you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow Internet service to see who they really are. Groucho MarxIf you’re not having fun, you’re doing something wrong. Indeed, for those who've tried and failed to find the right man offline, online dating can provide. Steve MartinWe’ve had some fun tonight…considering we’re all gonna die someday.

If you doubt me, ask a butterfly. Robin WilliamsOur job is improving the quality of life, not just delaying death. Will Ferrell If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans. Jim CarreyThe one thing you shouldn’t do is try to tell a cab driver how to get somewhere. Bill MurrayI live a little bit on the seat of my pants, I try to be alert and available for life to happen to me. I look like I got on a damn tinted construction mask. But am I striving to be a better person every day? Finally, I would pick it up and say, ‘Who the hell is this?’ ‘Oh, hi! Their average life span is a mere five to fourteen days. Woody AllenI am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose. Bill MurrayGo to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company. Ryan ReynoldsPeople in LA are deathly afraid of gluten. Groucho MarxThe secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.
Mark TwainOne-liners, short funny quotes, sayings, thoughts and captions for your bio, social status, self-talk, motto, mantra, signs, posters, wallpapers, backgrounds.The first time I see a jogger smiling, I’ll consider it. George CarlinMost people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit. His goal was to understand his pain, his depression, his fears, his lack of motivation and inspiration.He finished his software engineering degree in 2007 at the École de Technologie Supérieure de Montréal. It’s sort of a blog for people with attention spans. Everybody in the office has a vacation at the cost of one.

I need to take my pants off as soon as I get home. It is the best antidote for Jokes of the proper kind, properly told, can do more to enlighten questions of politics, philosophy, and literature than any number of dull arguments. And of course, it perfectly describes you!

Ricky GervaisRemember, when you are dead, you do not know you are dead. I’m the only one who gets my jokes.Our site includes quite a bit of content, so if you're having an issue finding what you're looking for, go on ahead and use that search feature there!Necessary cookies are absolutely essential for the website to function properly.

It wasn’t until I got back to my seat that I noticed my pants and testicles were missing.

Louis C.K.‘I’m bored’ is a useless thing to say. Mark TwainA lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on. Jim CarreyI can tell you that the effect you have on others is the most valuable currency there is. Groucho MarxBlessed are the cracked, for they shall let in the light. Ricky GervaisEnjoy life. Out of these cookies, the cookies that are categorized as necessary are stored on your browser as they are essential for the working of basic functionalities of the website.

Harry HaenigsenThe problem with life is, by the time you can read women like a book, your library card has expired. Airplane toilets are aggressive. Eddie MurphyMick Jagger’s lips’ so big, black people be going, “You got some big-ass lips!”. What you are is a liar food. Ricky GervaisBeing on the edge isn’t as safe, but the view is better. Feb 18, 2019 - DEBESTE.de | Lustige Bilder, Witze, Videos und fb Sprüche DEBESTE.de | Lustige Bilder, Witze, Videos und fb Sprüche Woody AllenSex is the most fun you can have without laughing. Louis C.K.Here’s how my brain works: it’s stupidity, followed by self-hatred, and then further analysis. Oliver HerfordI don’t have a girlfriend. Linda GraysonOnly your real friends will tell you when your face is dirty. My phone would ring 75 times in a row. Stephen Colbert Talking about music is like dancing about architecture. Groucho MarxThose are my principles, and if you don’t like them…well I have others. And do you know what I like about comedy?

My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
Jim CarreyLife opens up opportunities to you, and you either take them or you stay afraid of taking them. Henny YoungmanThere is nothing better than a friend, unless it is a friend with chocolate. I’m not sure how I got there. Elbert HubbardAll generalizations are false, including this one. Humor is to get us over terrible things. I go to the supermarkets to watch mothers lose it and beat the shit out of their kids. UnknownI remixed a remix, it was back to normal. Jerry SeinfeldMen want the same thing from their underwear that they want from women: a little bit of support, and a little bit of You know the trouble with real life?


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